Freedom from Unwanted Cycles

From the moment of conception, human beings set out on a journey of many cycles of life, death, and rebirth. Our most fundamental processes are on repeat from the very beginning.

Developmentally, we move through stages of growth, shedding the metaphoric skin of our old selves as we emerge into newly developed beings. Our existence becomes more expansive and meaningful as we mature spiritually, letting go of the ego ties we leave behind.

In a world that wants to keep us small, life presents opportunities for growth—opportunities colored with pain and struggle. Fear tries to keep us boxed in and comfortably complacent. Staying small serves only to limit us, preventing us from discovering our true potential.

There are many contributors to our cyclical nature. Neurologically, we are set up for patterned behavior because the brain is wired for survival. When something seems predictable, the brain reads it as safe. Therefore, there is power in repetition.

The Mere Exposure Effect describes a psychological phenomenon where we start to like and feel safe with things we are repeatedly exposed to. We may even start to think we need the things we experience on repeat. Our emotional draw precedes cognition. As a result, we often make decisions based on emotion rather than thinking things through.

So, where in today’s world does the power of repetition elicit emotions that override cognition? We see the power of repetition used as a persuasive tool in the courtroom. We also see it imbedded in online algorithms, in marketing, and in political campaigns.

We are bombarded by messages from every angle that influence our patterned behavior, and we so often find ourselves in unwanted cycles that feel impossible to break out of.

Addiction doesn’t discriminate.

In my early years as a chemical dependency counselor, I was so taken by the physical, emotional, and spiritual transformations in my clients. The humility set in as I worked with people recovering from alcohol and drug addictions.

I was naïve enough to think I could predict who would successfully recover and who would not. I based these predictions on attitudes, compliance, and the amount of work each client put into their recovery program. When I had a client who performed beautifully, I thought they would successfully sustain sobriety outside of treatment.

Much to my surprise, I quickly learned that addiction doesn’t care whether someone has performed well. In programs like Alcoholics Anonymous, there is a saying, “Addiction doesn’t discriminate.” This saying refers to the nature of the disease of addiction and its widespread reach across people of all walks of life.

Over the years I have worked with thousands of clients struggling with addiction, behavioral issues, trauma, and other hurts. My way of thinking about our human nature has changed along the way.

I view each person as a human being with their own set of life experiences and personal view of the world around them. I see every case as a unique puzzle, approaching my clients with curiosity. I seek to understand how each piece fits together. My mind starts to look for patterns almost immediately, because patterns offer us keys to healing and growth.

What I have observed in myself and in others is the propensity to form unwanted cycles or patterns in areas outside of what we would traditionally view as addiction. While substance abuse is the trademark for what society considers when we talk about addiction, I would argue that many people have addictive tendencies that show up in seemingly benign places. Consider society’s love for all things digital, obsessions over diet and fitness, or online shopping, just to name a few.

People gravitate toward the familiar even when it is detrimental to their well-being. For example, we all know it is unhealthy to spend time scrolling on our phones, yet the majority of us do this longer than we would care to admit. We binge watch TV, overeat evening snacks, and hit the snooze button multiple times despite our intentions to correct these unwanted habits.

Why do we keep doing what we don’t want to do?

We enjoy familiarity because we know what to expect. Familiarity feeds certainty and certainty feels safe. When something is familiar, even when it is not good for us, it draws us to it. This is true for our bodies and our minds.

Recently, I strained my back lifting weights. After months of trying to resolve this on my own, I broke down and went to the physical therapist. The physical therapist explained that I had strained my sacroiliac joint, which connects the spine and the pelvis.

My smaller muscles responsible for stabilization had been trying to compensate for other muscles that weren’t being used properly. When I lifted, my form was off, so my muscles were adapting to perform the task of heavy lifting. All of this was causing strain on my spine and pelvis, pulling them out of alignment.

In the early stages of rehabilitation I would get adjusted and achieve some relief from the pain in my lower back, but the pelvis wanted to move back into the tilted position it was used to. My body had adapted and become familiar with a new way of operating.

This is exactly what we do when we get caught in counterproductive cycles. We want to revert back to our old patterns even when they are harmful or unhealthy.

Striving for comfort

There is a great paradox in the human experience that tends to defeat us. In our evolution into modernism, we have used our ability for higher thinking to invent new ways to achieve comfort, yet comfort is the exact force that is stunting our growth.

“What draws us to that which defeats us?”

Comfort is deceiving because we read it as safety. When people are uncomfortable, the body and brain receive stress signals, immediately searching for a way to achieve comfort.

Think about how we respond to running. Most runners will tell you the first mile is the hardest. This is true because the body starts to feel uncomfortable and wants to stop. With continued repetitive movement and perseverance, the body eventually adapts, accepting the new rhythm and settling into it. This is how we adapt to most new things.

When we are willing to endure the discomfort of the new pattern, eventually our brain and body start to feel secure and may even enjoy it. This is where the power of repetition works for us.

But what if a person doesn’t push through the uncomfortable part of the run? They will likely not repeat the exercise, and they may even choose to seek out something that requires less strain or discipline for their exercise routine.

This comes with great consequences. While we don’t all need to be runners, we do need to endure struggle if we want to grow. This is true for any kind of growth—physical, emotional, or spiritual.

The obstruction of modern convenience

As an intelligent species, we have worked our way into a dumb predicament. The invention of tools of convenience dates back hundreds of thousands of years, and the trend exploded with the industrial revolution. From the invention of the loom to the assembly line, and now AI, we have sought out ways to produce more with less exertion.

In our quest for productivity with the least amount of effort we have developed a demand for advanced technology that outpaces our understanding of future implications. Our desire for comfort and utility has become a machine that drives us to our own destruction.

We have attempted to remove any resistance, yet resistance helps us gain traction in our personal growth, perseverance, and character building.

Our attitude of scarcity

Related to our desire for easy productivity, we have also become a culture of scarcity, believing that more is better. In today’s world we tend to seek abundance through “more” of anything.

If you consider our attitudes about monetary wealth, belongings, accolades, or social media followers, it is easy to see how drawn we are to this concept that more is better.

The paradox here is that we set ourselves up for never believing we are enough. Seeking meaning and worthiness from external sources will never provide wholeness.

We need struggle to thrive

People need grit and struggle to thrive. We gain personal meaning when we overcome adversity. Integrity is having the moral muscle to do the right thing even when it is inconvenient or painful. This is thriving, not surviving. We thrive when we honor ourselves and others. Wholeness and integrity go hand in hand, because integrity means standing firm in our convictions and being unwavering, solid. This kind of wholeness comes from accepting ourselves completely, and understanding that the world will never provide the meaning that is available through a right relationship with God. ‍

In Romans 5:3-4, the Apostle Paul wrote, “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

When we accept our fate—that life is not intended to be without struggle— change becomes possible.

Cycle-breakers are change-makers

It takes perseverance, grit, and determination to be a cycle breaker. Understanding the cyclical nature of ourselves is the beginning of making lasting change.

When we are willing to step out of our comfort zone and get uncomfortable, new patterns can be formed. Through the process of cycle-breaking, we can grow spiritually and emotionally. This transformational work is what builds character and creates overcomers—And this is what testimonies are made of.

‍”And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death.” (Revelations 12:11, KJV)

We will overcome by the blood of the Lamb – Jeremy Camp

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Author – Melanie Little, LCSW

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